HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
$ a1 N0 X- x, h$ e> >                     Effective January 2007
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8 f; n$ M& d, u9 W) F> > Dress Code& V% _0 e7 C1 U/ P
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed4 y& U4 f6 S$ B6 i! w  E/ q
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing+ j' V5 ~: v) w" i/ C: N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
0 M, ?' u: V9 q9 |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
$ o" H7 i: C" X0 Q> > need a pay raise.
8 c- `, U9 k% ?7 f: M$ k> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% o1 W" z4 g: R3 O9 M
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
6 p) E, L- c5 j> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
6 t1 c9 i4 ^+ c# h( t) ?> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
. h" F4 u$ j' f4 B" O" S1 S  T> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
& }/ o, W9 t8 J> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
) q5 C$ O& x) J& ~> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as+ k' @' F. \9 `$ r7 b
> > proof of sickness.
% @5 C! p4 S, V. [/ S" p8 v> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
7 s% I0 d2 N3 ?> > to come to work.% }4 F  e2 R) p% u6 W2 j
> >
% v, F1 H9 Y8 ~( ]) z) t> > Holiday Days' W5 }8 n4 Z" Z/ M2 R4 g
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a7 j/ @3 X/ C5 J. r2 E3 _& ^
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
/ z9 {# T" ?% k> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
; l5 I- g) u1 e! T  ]; ~> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
8 ]' F1 N1 l; h0 w" [> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 o  }" h/ w4 j9 ?5 ], V> > employees attend to the arrangements.
7 Y: M. ]- V: R$ q> > In rare cases where employee involvement is, Z" N) P8 \, ]( S
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the! G0 E7 o  \* ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
/ I2 ^7 B# w7 i# Y, |- i( P# [> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
/ R9 u2 ?- n. e> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
$ L$ E4 L8 @. j. k4 l, O% ]> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
. e$ V% n3 U: L3 q. i9 V> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
& x4 R# ?9 n( m# @& p( c9 Z9 j6 Y> > in the cubicles.
: J* t" U$ D" x$ ]- c+ g- C2 B> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will, L. {5 U$ E! x9 C0 _: P$ T
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle* g+ K' S9 d8 R5 [) x
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
% ^7 R2 d  Q2 Q> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
8 c% i3 @8 @, _3 p! V. m> > posted on the company notice board under the
! g8 V9 o4 s, L> > "Chronic Offenders" category.9 ]2 T- {1 a% J5 M, ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be1 Z# o% m- m+ `3 }% i
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
9 F0 ~- y  z# t> > policy.- G1 `4 |7 F4 h. g/ V" X" A* K7 t' y
> >
& Z* j8 b9 I2 w2 K0 }> > Lunch Break! a* Q* k! C) e- O: j
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! s, m$ H3 w# H5 X4 |9 h/ ], z> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
1 [6 z; i* t* g8 I" L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to+ i9 {3 {: [% {& Y/ g7 C
> > maintain their average figure.
! J+ e. c$ [+ c! o  m' \9 I> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
' A% w7 L  {. v4 g> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.6 o- Z  \5 D7 q. h
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
6 X( c& [, t! s> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive" N! x( U& i$ b7 b6 b) \$ y
> > employment experience.
( M  z  L2 y* T" C> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
* B( ]4 l0 m/ \0 ]' |> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,3 n( L! T5 g7 J9 t8 ~& d. v
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
2 ]* S& C$ k$ Q( c* k* L5 f) `8 B> > directed elsewhere.