HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
: ~' ]0 a4 ?/ R4 [> >                     Effective January 2007" X3 h. p$ `" A+ C! l$ B
> >& o) s# [+ o6 j2 h* F) k: w. G
> > Dress Code( U  p. e& o/ j7 |& n% l
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 d& s2 Z5 Z' U3 S" y+ R: O> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
* L/ J6 \+ l! ]9 ], M, z9 p! [  G> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume/ v' Y& W$ Q. I( M  {& ~8 e
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not, D: N+ Z) I, j2 b$ h0 J
> > need a pay raise.# C9 R6 w- y; [% e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
& K0 v) a; P1 y2 K' d0 P> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
1 b" k0 E4 E1 Q6 a1 w4 m> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ j0 l( Z; N1 C0 z4 m, _> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
( x, D0 F" y- \; A/ u, q> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
9 g1 r7 ?: A. {: U> > raise.
4 `) ^- |3 j, L2 z! ]. \4 l> >
3 x3 X" c" _; |: T/ T> > Sick Days
6 F" I$ |% Z  L7 ]6 s3 H> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
8 Y, Z, z( F, ]# [3 N& K+ U> > proof of sickness.
/ Y# S, {- E% P5 ^# c6 @> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able/ x  o/ _$ h9 R* _; T: h
> > to come to work.  S! ?4 P) _) t4 h# }
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> > Holiday Days
- |& v/ L" B' u! a, ^5 N> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) ^$ u0 y! [5 c& N! S/ U; f5 z> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; s  M  Z+ h( m! \- j# e- _$ A
> >; P' K' \5 L) ~% m
> > Compassionate Leave
9 N6 d- @) q7 V( {* b. N% a> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing- w0 @, `. E3 w) u+ d  E1 s
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, n& q; i+ O# F$ x% T
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 c. p9 q3 s! n; p- |0 l
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
( W) ]# E& q6 E1 ~> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  c- U2 {6 |& j* D7 C* \. G
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 {! w" e& \; N, q& y: x> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 d  `& z% ?4 a; f
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
9 Z* ^) I; C* o# i$ w8 X* U! N> > hour early.5 _* m+ Y6 t/ Z. ~' p) D$ [* M6 @
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> > Toilet Use
) f# H! B4 t& N; F1 a> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the6 D; i$ N7 ~+ E
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit  ^. f5 z5 d  G: F$ c  v: t! D
> > in the cubicles.
, H/ q9 l0 V( r3 s) u, \1 X/ e> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
6 f! Q" J" ~( ]! {9 z! u> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle/ u5 r7 n3 E9 e' {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
1 W$ f- f- U7 w# n% W) N> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
6 |" e; h& @; s* J8 B5 Y6 Q  T> > posted on the company notice board under the
" O/ G, Q# u# D> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  h& H9 L, J$ v$ I2 b- a9 ~
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
6 A0 W$ D; i, r> > sanctioned under the company's mental health1 s/ |1 k7 g, V$ p+ y
> > policy.' C) `: t- Z, C
> >
/ v" S, ~- }. c3 _8 A' i4 P> > Lunch Break
7 v2 R3 d" [/ h2 q* k' W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
7 W; q: l* y2 Q, `, R0 @% D> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
9 [7 w: {, T. s> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
) m  z, p5 h; h  T3 ?$ R3 I4 M> > maintain their average figure.
' x. ?7 b( m1 S8 b" C" w: G> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
* m0 W8 L% N# c* v" @1 w> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 u5 y7 u: C8 |" k$ N> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' C: C9 W2 O# T* s
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive: T& w% }* s) r4 a# O7 g
> > employment experience.# o7 C: d0 J* Z/ _' d; X
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,7 T6 L  F7 p# }# n  ~2 C. x4 M/ }
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,' E2 K( J8 G  `7 e' q3 P
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be1 U- D  t" T8 Y5 d: V
> > directed elsewhere.