HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ A+ i- D5 v! I4 j  l6 }* R
> >                     Effective January 2007, _( Z  _/ u# X' Z8 \
> >; t8 w( S/ u" b- y! m9 b
> > Dress Code
) J+ a# c* w  F5 Q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
6 E8 T: f- a9 F0 T> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing) f) e3 g% @! I% Z! ]5 e0 m  y
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
4 M6 _% l4 q4 G> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not) w3 O' v, B2 t; x: J! [
> > need a pay raise.
; ~, `3 L1 ^( i0 f7 w2 f' D3 ]> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage# l# x0 Z" u0 t# z7 E# L" B
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer4 o- }3 e) Q% m" \$ Y. m
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
) M" n6 l* ~" w2 _4 j> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
$ y1 G# V& }1 M0 L$ x% d& Z* C> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
. E6 `6 A9 v' ?- t9 P% `4 H> > raise.
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> > Sick Days
  O$ x' Q4 \5 u4 S5 I> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
- t5 q5 W6 }& W' L; V> > proof of sickness.
5 A" d, J1 `$ y" h/ g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able! ?4 ^0 l% T$ Z" b$ a
> > to come to work.2 D5 I; ?. C" r
> >, s8 O- ]5 M( y: w# _
> > Holiday Days' ~$ \$ o: m5 m, ?" s2 G' l) q
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" b8 N0 z: l7 C6 F* I6 A
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave" Z% G! g" }2 d9 F4 b+ U6 @
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
  e1 D+ c2 M/ R+ O# Z& c> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-, }5 v' U1 w3 A- W
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
! t) o5 L" l( [0 Z; I- I, C, U> > employees attend to the arrangements." Y: Q  b! y* @  [1 H
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
1 F: m  Q" Q& I1 b" J( s0 s8 T5 m> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
7 z( l" n3 z# T; n8 |3 t8 n# \  _> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
  j4 a1 R+ `* E- u9 {1 m> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one: c8 u* }2 z. _% O0 D$ s, I
> > hour early.# [+ L( s$ d) D" F$ D0 B% C$ ?
> >2 m" g# P+ q# y
> > Toilet Use" T% l# m* u  ]4 a% p) a
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 q2 D9 l' V4 `$ K
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; J/ W) Y; q; }4 |3 X2 x> > in the cubicles.% d: j- v$ I. l- `: U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
: b  [3 U. X4 [9 v% }% k8 a* E> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
7 Y: Q% }( W; J8 c/ ~( |, R% A, P> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.. s2 }7 ]8 e) d5 j0 \* g
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be1 b, j! M+ T* [& M
> > posted on the company notice board under the* c' G1 b! v- D3 _
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.8 D, ~( V: H; o
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 S  M) z4 e6 X) J# g9 X1 _5 Z> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
5 x" ^4 b7 `( B. {> > policy.+ d, P( q5 }) d; Q+ C# A( r
> >. z, N+ h: F; z3 B# }; t1 ~. j
> > Lunch Break
* k. t4 s$ k3 h& g$ \% \> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
! B2 b/ Y$ Q" G" C> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
0 f2 d" a' a! x) P% t% E$ E> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
! c" V9 P9 H* u! c. M8 y6 D5 H3 x> > maintain their average figure.
7 R5 w! {+ b$ U> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time. @: \3 {( m. ^5 g* C# R
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ F$ V+ ]7 e7 u6 B) z  \: C
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are, d2 H6 F1 L' J0 |" W
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
7 G) _/ o0 E- f1 q, d> > employment experience.
5 r4 V) u, T/ N9 A4 e! M1 }> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
$ S( f# H6 f* c7 [3 x> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
7 Z: g0 Y! I& m' x> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be: g& \3 ]0 n! X& Y) j1 `
> > directed elsewhere.