HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:  c6 R4 k7 g# l
> >                     Effective January 2007
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: v- D" f% c- d> > Dress Code
# `# Q  y0 l! X( G4 I: Q" i' X> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed" \9 T7 h, A' z$ l9 ^+ w$ g
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing% Q) T! I; v1 b& b; k4 D
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
  x+ g2 ~$ U( D  h6 U2 a6 v> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
# ^( k. y( A2 G. G% I2 q6 R$ e8 \> > need a pay raise.3 J4 I- C$ B2 v) o0 @! j; e
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
# Y; B* [- A- Y0 ]* F3 E- E' X5 Y> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer" S3 i9 @3 Z8 d
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3 _9 k9 m4 K3 d> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
* b9 X& B* M0 r' J+ h3 k$ G> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay. N# Z3 U4 ^2 ^1 @9 P
> > raise.
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> > Sick Days1 d! h$ R; a; n! i6 L# c4 ?' ^0 K
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as% [; G* `9 n3 o  h: f) D& h
> > proof of sickness.4 U1 g4 c' o4 l0 c
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able) }+ A4 B4 W; K( `$ R
> > to come to work.! {+ |0 z- }( T3 f' I
> >
4 J; z% T) ^1 h# L, ]> > Holiday Days
2 D8 U) I; U" p6 B3 l> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 z# i$ b7 e$ ]5 k
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave
7 G% i2 d# ~, L4 W> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing# f, I- G1 O' y  Q3 M
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
" v' _: Y  b( A& o3 H> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
# d+ d! \* }: r: M  k$ P, `/ w> > employees attend to the arrangements.$ g9 _$ L/ C; F" a5 T, Y
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is* ?2 ]) J, U7 ?4 s$ Z5 y% I1 a
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; @' d/ z2 F8 I) z6 U" U! ^
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
* }+ g  u% N8 t( U# _/ n/ Z' l/ m> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& \2 J+ N# P3 a7 P1 d9 a$ q
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
8 s8 s$ F# i8 }: Y4 x' g> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the7 s. ^& N2 @: u% G1 y) ~( [; |
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
' [' P5 [" V$ W2 j% K6 m% J1 Y> > in the cubicles.( Z- P; X1 I* x3 E) t
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will  j+ l' d* ~/ w/ B* q( G
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
1 ~# h2 m: B" r& n( w1 D) r! G> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
4 M* Q9 U0 g1 n. h- g> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
4 J, e* ?1 e+ o$ T) D> > posted on the company notice board under the  P7 ~4 u0 D$ y- }# D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
6 u% N5 g: E8 a& Y& `& z! B> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
1 k8 t7 M( ]' }, v* w" _5 u0 P> > sanctioned under the company's mental health6 T8 o6 v1 l* O
> > policy.1 X; a% y$ t$ h
> >
' o' k3 S+ n% n8 L> > Lunch Break$ ?, ?6 x3 k; v, ?1 m
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: E- v! S  T, i7 o2 P> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. G; w. l) c/ w: o# L> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
' H+ U) X7 J4 A> > maintain their average figure.. L1 |$ n* i6 m
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time6 l& n- r1 j/ G; X, F) w' i/ b
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.7 D( [3 d9 a, n& Z7 A, a  Y4 u0 `
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
: J( ^2 q6 H8 V, }> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive% c% e8 p( D9 y" {, r
> > employment experience.
# S: H7 [: I) C' t+ \> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
+ N; j  p* `6 i: @; {! s2 i> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations," c; C1 J# G1 y- g8 r
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ _6 ~, m, N: H, O+ N' I5 }: W+ t9 Y> > directed elsewhere.