HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ l, I8 J1 ?: \$ s
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code
( D. C& J# z9 N> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
3 s& f; _* }5 W- D, j> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 ?; x3 r( M1 `
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
8 t* e2 j8 o" M/ T* q% N3 I& J! Z> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not* ]+ `/ X" s6 g6 a0 p% y
> > need a pay raise.
/ D* O( b9 X% v; }, v> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
8 u  n" X9 P2 \) Q9 }6 O1 A5 g> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* A6 O! I7 y5 r( o1 |2 L& g
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.+ h8 _9 s+ O9 Q2 K9 {, ]
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you5 e6 f% a" t- ^: k0 Y
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay5 O$ f, j/ z4 g( ]4 X
> > raise.
' ^  B7 g& {: ^7 F: a  M> >
/ E  c5 q# P4 J7 ]- a+ U" J> > Sick Days" e" O: L8 w# _& b3 N6 k( d
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
  t( X7 c0 \! H7 a> > proof of sickness.
* C$ B( Q1 e" O$ H9 k> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
2 T! [, s" K2 F- H" ?5 w> > to come to work.
7 ]; f' v3 w( ~& E) j  Q> >
$ q7 [6 s0 j8 {) a% ^3 o6 i> > Holiday Days
7 c1 I2 p0 J: @8 R' W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
# T. Q. u2 p4 G6 p> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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: v# x! I/ _" B/ a# U  Z% P> > Compassionate Leave
" X$ K3 o6 x) _" C" |: J5 J3 n> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing; _/ n: @3 `& S' v& r6 M% h
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-: B* ]) |' m$ m
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-( l# A$ z! x) d; _) w
> > employees attend to the arrangements.7 ?- V7 E2 L  W! I8 Q
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is4 j, t) k" E& V3 f
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the% X9 m% s* O$ Y9 g& ~# g( z
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
# L* r4 J# Y( k3 k# P; N! H3 r> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
( Z4 Z# e9 t; W) A> > hour early.# R. N. _8 R2 M9 j$ o! u
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> > Toilet Use" L# Z1 m  N  T! a, @
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
# s  e; A  y1 o. `% d, i> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
9 U" y( {/ R  G* h, Q. y/ ^  y> > in the cubicles.0 }2 V6 w2 Q0 _9 e7 R, j6 Z
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
& n- K. r2 `% H) t! G> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
% O2 U. X4 K- u6 H> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3 q6 U/ G  d; w& A' V$ z2 H+ t' a4 d> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be9 d. S) f; z* R7 D* [
> > posted on the company notice board under the
% ?2 f0 B. t" @) `& l3 R' V> > "Chronic Offenders" category.+ E$ t% o9 h5 y' Y- {! I# r7 E* _
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be0 a& o8 s$ u$ _/ V' I& U# N
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health, t6 R) O% n/ x3 C6 j/ c
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
; c8 p% k; p/ }9 ~5 n. q> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& Q6 o1 h' O3 K# l$ }0 D1 C> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
& R7 `: m; F6 ^- ~4 |8 u/ w> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
# O3 r* _$ G$ F+ s& U> > maintain their average figure.7 m8 c! C8 ~* h8 ^3 D
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time2 Z% J3 f8 m7 ]. }+ j3 @- x( a& m
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
9 r$ q% r# }1 x  s* u7 T" T> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
+ }! W. A/ J7 }# K; |9 d8 N# T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
$ k% e% t: F* a* D% J, n. o> > employment experience.
* h* m" x; c0 N. B4 d1 \$ E> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
" Y4 s& [2 c. H$ {' Z> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,( {7 v5 Y: r' {9 I
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
9 ?6 j6 u* F2 l& _% n, @% N9 e> > directed elsewhere.