HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:
) z9 s) m# H9 Z3 S> >                     Effective January 2007: ^) b4 a7 o- s0 q' |& d5 u
> >: g" T$ U( o# h$ Y& y9 m9 j
> > Dress Code* q; H; r) w/ n4 S
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed3 `1 C& h2 }# w; Y( N
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 ^: o8 e( [  N
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
, R0 i' P3 n, K: |> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not0 u; y- @6 r8 S& v0 R
> > need a pay raise.
6 t# m  X' D- F> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage0 P6 b: [  h" S" v3 K; t
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer* m- F' Z+ w: T# I5 O( M
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.3 i6 ^/ u) h+ a; M
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
; @& x" Y- q$ N, l4 _> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
; e3 b9 }6 Q8 k. j% L2 J0 j> > raise.
% |1 ]! f" @3 R- [9 q> >: [$ f* |( ?* Z  z* a( F2 D( |7 f
> > Sick Days
" ^5 Q' S/ F" \5 W0 ^7 C> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as# Z0 v: ~0 A! m) @
> > proof of sickness.
( W1 r/ H9 P- K9 z" B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
# r; ^0 T6 e% Y# [4 D2 C> > to come to work.5 H3 M8 o1 b, U* ~( p- Q5 L. J
> >
; h: \( a. Z  ^> > Holiday Days
  b+ F' A2 G( V* H. n- R> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
: L! E& @6 X, O" \! I/ T> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
8 r; }) r. u  J5 R0 l# e* e> >
& g2 e: w. j* b> > Compassionate Leave
, C% a9 {7 ~4 n7 V, n$ p> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
" R) C8 j/ J" l; S/ i> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-8 v( g; M$ s, g5 h0 r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-8 x" @% Z3 g* S" e* C9 _# J
> > employees attend to the arrangements.
0 C, I- V+ U% @# q& b0 M" B> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
! x& k5 O6 n( K6 h> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the9 Q8 h& F1 F7 j' L# }
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work+ r/ T+ u) c# J. B; }
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one+ s& r5 w$ T% N. R1 S) O) ~4 z0 n' S  K
> > hour early.# y: R$ Q2 ^, c
> >
: J& E! }" R6 D& o" A2 i> > Toilet Use
1 g5 }$ _- u' I( K) o> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the2 V" n9 t) F( g+ @0 p5 |, Z# }
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
/ f/ G% }/ t" [4 E) n" b> > in the cubicles.6 t* R4 L4 M. R7 J: L" o0 {
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will1 ~$ `% o' ]6 G. ~1 y; a: b
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
- E3 N$ L* O. N1 ]> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.: N# e0 K9 i- L* e* w* V; u" ?1 g$ T
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be' @- G' V! V8 R. B
> > posted on the company notice board under the
4 }1 q: H7 b( n+ M. A, L9 E> > "Chronic Offenders" category.  W: E! Z, q7 i7 v
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
% z' Y4 s: ^% U> > sanctioned under the company's mental health7 O6 I5 \  L& U2 {/ Z% C  h
> > policy.2 K* g6 D7 J. x. S. g% M
> >
8 h- _6 G! v9 ^> > Lunch Break) L& j( h  @; R
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they0 m5 ?* `- M1 Y6 V3 U
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
. G$ F& \+ R+ A3 T& d8 z7 H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to, c; o; [) E# w) x4 j
> > maintain their average figure.
. N8 K; H$ D4 I; ?> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time5 N& t# ~6 t4 a$ B. M! r; C
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
, s. z- J7 P3 \" U% V$ i2 F# w9 B> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are4 D$ R& @% L2 ~0 \7 @
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive& Q) A$ l  O( r; v7 K" p
> > employment experience.. u2 v$ u+ \4 O
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,* F, q  {8 B) ?- z
> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
: J) w) t. w  H! l, ~6 c6 a( w1 w> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be; C6 u" f1 s0 {3 S
> > directed elsewhere.