HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:" t. U1 Q" w9 O! G3 V
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code" e1 q: k$ @' e# L/ g1 {( f, a
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
1 A- d9 x) p* U" s4 J+ u3 G> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing0 d4 Q# U' P( v2 Y# o
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume% y% o- |$ J! l9 g5 ~
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 ^, x7 d" J- p1 P' i' W
> > need a pay raise.  _; l! Q4 |0 h, _
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
( x  {/ e+ G+ W9 W8 x> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 q# Z, d2 b9 V* |! z  s
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
$ \+ K9 l% U+ x, q) V# \> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
4 R4 ?3 B* j: ~  U> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay7 O2 k- C% ~! X+ w+ K: N
> > raise.5 i; H5 k% Q- |/ E2 X
> >2 K# s% `; n) c3 e
> > Sick Days; E# z/ e5 L4 U$ z1 [
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
( j9 n" }/ Z6 b9 T$ M> > proof of sickness.
  R. F! Y$ [/ _' j0 m0 _7 H* S# ~) t2 g> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
9 O: w) K! ^- x4 `! N5 E, B> > to come to work.
' ^( Y- y. v) J1 }8 _3 s> >
9 C) c/ `* N3 z) o, l( x- ^# C9 L( S> > Holiday Days
  `2 z0 A# e* F4 b# M> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a1 S& [0 f, I2 r8 d% ?7 l: ^
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.; l. z: R% B# `5 J: b1 J; Q/ M
> >
' P) l+ o, f7 H" H; M2 G9 O4 X> > Compassionate Leave6 r1 X3 j1 L- x
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
- l  d( @4 T" m1 _/ u> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
( w2 x8 L! L; r" x> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
  [0 v$ t& z% w, S> > employees attend to the arrangements.0 ?. j( u. W- D% C. R' E  E' ]
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
( }- s' t# o4 u- N+ V> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
0 C6 i4 i/ w- W! X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work5 t: I' m# p& i) l! j
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one. e' v) g+ x# B% t5 Q7 e7 v
> > hour early.# ~. ]* R1 k7 `+ K
> >
/ {9 ^9 k1 a% j/ L7 W8 s5 N5 U4 r> > Toilet Use3 b9 O  _9 b* v; e8 v
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the3 V8 ?- C5 ~' ~- w. J: ~4 ^& v
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; {1 d. i* A+ }! t/ r  u> > in the cubicles.
! _* H+ Z. I, |3 @1 p! ^% \3 K$ y4 t> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will5 y% g5 S1 Y* H# |  s% M. V
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle  B' S, a9 z" D: T
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.0 p. b7 g: O6 q' V2 F
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
3 d- N8 J3 c5 R5 b! R, K& Z> > posted on the company notice board under the0 Q1 v! L0 ^  G- U8 D
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 J  _- J$ q: G8 L$ a+ l> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be9 C, y  i  c. O
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health! Y. y4 B, @1 r2 Q
> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break' n2 ]" b# K9 U0 G3 @* g0 n
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they# {; b. ]4 V6 B0 v; S
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
; d, G: i4 G6 T. h3 ^) s2 X> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
6 r# L/ @# S  D+ G" e  l, b: a> > maintain their average figure.
# n) k8 |4 U/ I9 [' ?; N> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
1 w5 c% N, X) W0 A" y6 R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
* j& B0 F. n7 W. J" }) H> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are: _& j6 _0 E/ S) b, ]4 T9 d
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
5 x4 {& @- N, h/ _7 }4 g> > employment experience.
4 j0 ^! J8 H6 x* C! \# W> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
  V3 M, C& d8 u+ n( N> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,. J! d' v" w& i1 S" y* }+ a
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
+ q. R' _; |& \1 E& s2 s% K+ ^7 A> > directed elsewhere.