HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:$ E4 b6 S6 E7 x3 F' H
> >                     Effective January 20075 c1 D+ o2 f6 S5 n3 j8 X  x5 {
> >
4 Q7 Q: A. |8 x4 O4 W* b> > Dress Code
" t) I5 F/ L" j6 a) a9 R  r> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
& v5 @8 n7 b" }> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing8 W0 N4 Y1 G* _! d/ \  ^) T0 M  `
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
9 m6 x+ `/ H& h7 J8 o> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not
: L1 m  ?8 c/ f8 `4 i( n7 U5 @> > need a pay raise.' w% \7 @4 u$ D
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
+ r0 l7 b$ E. R; r! [$ H) H> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer- \2 u/ O3 D2 [; y0 K2 m
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.6 b' F5 D9 S1 y" b9 C) S  e* \
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
! u# m, l; v+ |0 a+ d$ S> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
, B7 d  v; i4 }% z  ^6 G> > raise.& q! f- [6 K& g3 e2 m* R/ ]( S. E
> >7 W* i7 s" j+ P1 {: @( \, i
> > Sick Days' i8 e! t" @- u" v1 u% y6 }
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as" v+ y) r$ y5 q+ z8 Y
> > proof of sickness.. B5 [0 r, b5 I; ]' F& y6 Q
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able# o; H$ Q4 C5 U2 g
> > to come to work.' q3 E" r, s& D6 W  N, }6 u4 A
> >+ m* i5 F9 K0 B
> > Holiday Days
" T$ `( j' l( k0 [" A1 o6 w3 J8 @> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
2 J5 J3 a% |/ R8 @> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
5 W4 k$ k7 k; m> >2 C2 w) a$ D3 @1 p9 P+ k8 m
> > Compassionate Leave
( J$ g7 @7 d0 P. m2 s9 q# _* d> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing0 L. G/ O% X$ V  q% g$ l0 l
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 k) E; C8 p6 l# r
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
3 `4 h# F; v8 K6 _# ]" Z6 b> > employees attend to the arrangements.
8 \' g# u) C. F+ u2 L> > In rare cases where employee involvement is
. F/ x9 |  Z! I% a- I% t$ }> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
$ e8 L5 n; l1 V# f: t- {) t> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work8 K! o/ b1 u/ _, a
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one8 `( Q) l6 \2 r2 d/ I& Z
> > hour early./ `9 R% C0 Q; L- M0 V- j* Z" R
> >. q/ a" E" n  q1 w- i% R
> > Toilet Use
8 t' |  |) H. }> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 n6 m; Z2 H# j7 m) ~; U. ?
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
; a$ g* q8 t! D8 w0 }! D, r( k8 P> > in the cubicles.
* d* G% q& v" {, j> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will( m8 }/ U' V' k" d0 K) e% k
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( A" b( s! L- b0 _& B$ V% A
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.+ T& [! l# Y9 I( I2 ?# o/ Z" _( ]
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be. \+ ?6 ~9 L& {* T( C- V$ n
> > posted on the company notice board under the/ X( O+ b  N' n! e4 h
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
0 D$ J) _- G) b> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
+ a! J, C, s8 f# V$ ?6 w, n) S> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
3 h- _! u! f, }> > policy.! y  a% |/ b1 \; L* N. e7 @0 f6 K
> >
4 J) W; v  U4 m7 d  ^> > Lunch Break
) ^3 U8 s6 N1 r6 K7 u$ C' E7 W> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
: t, O4 e1 ^# ]4 c> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.0 |: W7 f5 `& d4 I  Q
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to8 d) a2 N$ o) G) {9 k" N
> > maintain their average figure.
2 I1 Y9 E5 N. t/ V> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time% v  p$ ?2 w4 I  |6 _7 }
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ D7 Q, n2 ^0 w5 G4 X6 @> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
' z$ o* S* U) V2 Y. V> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive2 r# G2 m! G3 D7 Y
> > employment experience.
2 O( @& T& ~( e% f> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
5 V& J4 q# s# F/ P  {> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 I# [& u; L* \- m8 A: ]& X2 @
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
( E% `* \! C1 l  N> > directed elsewhere.