HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:* z0 P" Y4 [$ `5 B& P
> >                     Effective January 2007/ X: D/ _2 y8 T0 w; H. I9 |4 h4 N- p
> >2 r5 U, ~  V7 _( r1 u, A
> > Dress Code6 {8 Q& _6 p3 O# Y5 X
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed
" @" G* _) K0 J$ E5 c3 @$ B1 n> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
1 D9 \: r: e% S; o> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
/ y  d, Y# q$ W/ D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not1 a3 Z4 X. S# N3 r* W; B' l
> > need a pay raise.
4 W7 F& R* v' x+ c6 X> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
9 N4 S" \8 G# X1 F> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
! c4 h( T7 ]! C. V2 }> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.% {. R9 a8 y$ Q3 E; J
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
2 h8 M. Q3 i  n; ~> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
8 T" r+ n* ^! p# x9 H> > raise.
6 H# K7 {; F. U& @2 j5 h> >  D) f+ ^2 f- e: J
> > Sick Days
  V  V! q  w: o4 K> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as$ s" L6 m) D4 y0 T: N6 V6 @* p
> > proof of sickness.
7 f& a0 U% ]  @+ `) f> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 G. Z* D' g$ \5 I5 k" y( f> > to come to work.
: q+ d1 A. g3 b& ^/ ~; U" a& v> >
, g: b  a, \/ R+ J9 U% v+ S> > Holiday Days8 `( r+ q% Z$ e
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a
) f0 I) M1 y# l( P8 a9 `+ M> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
6 l3 t; r7 A* d> >8 Z4 e3 b* I( B& x" v0 G" L
> > Compassionate Leave4 m# f5 q$ e& [3 j
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
# n! W  R! e+ c) `' e! T, b( w> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-4 `" @4 n: e9 L; |4 t4 w
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; f% C# B/ k0 [$ w* M> > employees attend to the arrangements.
1 b/ n. ~0 Z. l# A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is  u- n( ]5 j5 M+ |1 k
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the' Q5 _: ?, ~5 [: i
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work3 l$ M5 M. d( X0 `. z/ ^: z
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
' O: i' @! s- I8 w2 _. X( r' s0 q> > hour early./ ~7 m4 O4 I& ]2 C; x' H+ y
> >9 H' A( \! Z  a! L
> > Toilet Use7 r2 t. t8 g: h" d* Y
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the1 x- w9 {7 v4 n0 ^: {2 Q
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
3 O, b$ w2 J* @# R, C. x> > in the cubicles.7 y1 z% _0 i7 `  o% V' W1 ]- M
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will" _* H1 _( V8 m4 y- j
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle( S4 ~$ Y0 i& o% c7 H5 ?# F7 E/ N
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.4 {. i% {: X8 q0 N. U
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
( }9 C$ s, W5 v& V; x" \3 x> > posted on the company notice board under the
& u6 F, D  Y5 c0 g* A3 U% K1 e8 q> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
8 R: e8 |$ a! E2 Y' v8 H> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
+ l0 F6 }3 I3 s3 @) L9 k! x> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
: n3 P/ t9 R0 ?' S> > policy.5 m. n( T* ~$ s$ R
> >
, m  L2 L, s' k> > Lunch Break
( J: N5 @6 t  P6 X# o. ?- E> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they% z4 A  ?9 ^1 I# c* I: E
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
% l( n! e0 C7 F, L( X( q5 ?; [> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to" p( E* r6 o" B& `- ^, Z& ~
> > maintain their average figure.
+ u) z& [) g- }+ ], i7 _$ K0 c> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time& K4 {7 L  D7 V& [# x, Z
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.. ]5 ~8 ^. V1 B
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
2 w' K. s+ R4 h' A+ @4 }+ u: T> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive' {1 l/ |: a7 X1 E- c  m7 x: Q
> > employment experience., n/ w/ P  u, f
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
' T- ]+ ^' k) P2 w4 P2 S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
; W7 \' G0 u0 H% ?' B% `8 ~> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be8 c, s1 o/ _5 w" ~
> > directed elsewhere.