To all Employees: # j0 M' K8 i+ N1 q: |7 s> > Effective January 2007 ! R- ?& P( L8 J> > 5 \9 P; S9 l' J: X( t `> > Dress Code ! K& e: A$ t( ~5 ~* t; s> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed ) F* ~: N" ]# H> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing2 H& E, T3 n) ^# L9 w
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume( `' b6 N" R1 e6 C6 ^% [" P
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not ' _" f! H& O% X1 e5 P* |' a' s> > need a pay raise.0 t4 ?" z! N5 \# q! {
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage3 a# {: i8 e/ v3 D% m
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer 6 Q" n( y* v# p% p# r> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.7 O1 y+ w; k6 T w
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you7 K; h6 F9 M8 i5 y& I5 c' n
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay$ J+ n, b' r3 A3 A' P+ j
> > raise.- @4 M, {% L0 ]+ A8 e
> >2 h2 f0 e: [8 q" x5 [
> > Sick Days9 c4 @- q" J2 t* e) y: K% D7 f
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as - ]' F3 _% s. M+ w7 ]. T# n> > proof of sickness.3 y8 ^( N9 J4 `7 @; U
> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able & D1 p# p) N$ C- p q> > to come to work.( s7 _$ i! I& {( o1 e) P
> > 8 a# a3 H, S' x* t. i- O: j> > Holiday Days K3 O5 U; ?' J& \7 L: G6 V6 l
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a0 {* w# Q' |9 N! M$ ]/ Q
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. : q9 `# [6 g! Y$ b+ r2 |: M9 F> >; j% J( p; r6 t
> > Compassionate Leave ; t1 ^9 b; n5 f2 `# C> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing 5 _% V. i+ k3 y% `$ ]+ D$ q& i6 m7 d, i* {> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-1 X( R: y/ w3 \* e( F9 K* ~* B
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- 4 m; z7 }) T# t2 K; d# y> > employees attend to the arrangements. 8 o$ _% Z; s# k; g: A> > In rare cases where employee involvement is# [) q) p7 L$ K
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the6 k) l* M, o0 m& {2 j
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work/ [1 g4 H% p- X Y: j9 |6 \. K
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one + i6 O8 }7 w( ~0 _> > hour early. 9 v! { F) `# X6 A5 m+ E: p> >0 P, {0 W9 w1 d$ F/ r
> > Toilet Use x6 V h5 O$ L9 p; p) x
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the # x% }2 O1 q+ `8 \> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit $ V' _& ]& k/ f9 T/ D5 k> > in the cubicles. . }) ^% b- {. t, o; F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will 7 @: @' ^( M* \4 D: p! c G+ o> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle6 ]& q$ G$ b- {
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. & U: W; j1 ^1 T% y8 |> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be 2 [8 A2 O; v* l! a, A. O> > posted on the company notice board under the . n$ t% ?7 G) |9 k @2 J. y> > "Chronic Offenders" category. r% ? h+ A# Y3 R8 n) \: u
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be- o ~* L! V9 K6 I. O0 ^& ^
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 0 W' U# }4 z- q- H% u, D> > policy.6 W# i& ]/ i3 D& V9 E- G
> >9 b3 `" m. l$ ]( H$ G
> > Lunch Break # O, W/ Z1 v8 c> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they & F7 a( H& {0 j" u% B2 t- `, F> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. ( C# o; R& }& w3 a( l5 Y8 W! H> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to ) V3 a7 @' p* T: c- B8 R> > maintain their average figure.: E: K0 h, |& s2 i, `
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time A9 N+ |0 ^' C; r& P+ N9 b> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. + q' k/ f6 d; D: _ u> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are' P6 U- g$ y [9 _% f
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive 7 ~( K3 ~) }+ |0 b0 ]- A> > employment experience. ! R2 i8 a6 L/ b. k# v! s. B> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, , V; u3 W( _( }1 E# q$ ~9 J: G4 S> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,% ?7 s* ^/ Z; u) c7 x
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be * {9 `( x( `% M( Y- @ V. U" @> > directed elsewhere.
