To all Employees:3 S' M( ]/ V3 o' w! M" r2 P% P
> > Effective January 20073 f- v# r) X+ v( f7 h8 O, e
> >9 T% X- `, D- m! D: y0 V
> > Dress Code0 o- y. O* l- E8 o& v. j+ p @- L
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed: t9 y& v& A G/ }6 d% H. [; ]" S
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing( |' t! B) t+ t+ c- L9 ~; ]( l
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume 1 H% a4 P# m$ F0 t: I> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not , }8 p( e6 L& [* Z; N> > need a pay raise. 7 j2 b% k0 b# t& d> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage% @5 Q/ f2 \; E& ?
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer. M; P) n. S- ^) o) E% M5 t6 ~
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.* _3 s9 s3 j( M& D' g* e9 C
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you ( A- ?6 _3 E0 h' T& n> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay & d* ]5 Q% a6 n$ [" G, M) L' z> > raise.$ v" K6 t9 N2 l9 s8 G% ~' `
> > / r' v1 G+ Q* D: W> > Sick Days / u, d% i3 D1 F/ s" X> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as % Y/ ]6 m& F3 w! `* h+ K" b> > proof of sickness. + s; c4 J5 X7 ~- |( W> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able 3 o6 ~% s# ~" ~> > to come to work. & E9 `0 A( t; [+ [- Y- J> > 5 B0 w" T- g7 W7 p- w% W4 _+ l/ F> > Holiday Days % {- _+ `: I0 E' e> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a" ~. @ W/ Z8 P5 I
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.5 F, Q, h4 t: V7 D+ i
> >. D. g) H1 A" L1 s4 l |* F. w
> > Compassionate Leave& k! ` ^! N6 h/ N
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing) W; W# O0 P- i' g9 @
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-2 K+ I0 o# \/ N x
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non- ! w+ B5 ?$ F% ]> > employees attend to the arrangements. u# }( @0 U, B4 e) p' T' t
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is / e; @/ T1 S I, _> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the ! H- Z9 ]0 G" s- a3 Q> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work / }# n5 y+ ~9 t! s/ f> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one$ G9 f0 L1 ]; ~) b4 l
> > hour early., m6 B8 p3 d; W+ U5 ]2 q
> > 2 l0 g+ ~6 y: q& w: b! }> > Toilet Use # ^% T! `# A7 n: l* r8 r+ V9 ~> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the5 A9 y. v3 m" h' ~
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit5 x$ W! G) l, [: i5 p" Q: z# N& Q
> > in the cubicles.8 x( o1 a! g* }5 e% u* A. y2 E- U
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will : _) P( |" _0 J> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle : J$ M3 G1 C% [3 i> > door will open, and your picture will be taken. 4 A! p/ m& K* }) i6 S( W) V8 k> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be6 f E( A1 J& E
> > posted on the company notice board under the3 I5 l6 Z9 @) q+ x2 d- m# m+ c
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.# l0 @2 X3 L* H1 a2 P
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be 7 O" E* v! P/ E. s! _4 U k> > sanctioned under the company's mental health 5 ~. Q" ~! D' v- x$ ^> > policy. 9 M' ^, F/ G& ~> >) i+ T% K- y; w3 h, v6 T
> > Lunch Break / x' i" V6 M' A }% N( p> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they ) H( p* C$ P5 ]8 k: t> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 1 P# c! V4 f& I5 Y3 U, \: i' T> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to) c' ]" h% t* U! L
> > maintain their average figure. 4 [/ x3 Y3 G+ F+ N9 N: M7 |> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time 9 |& I& y, G7 p9 |& v7 O2 o8 D> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast. # A4 n! z+ s1 A0 y> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are " v9 E; I; e. K2 o> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive & O5 H, {4 e) H3 b; L7 _> > employment experience. ; i$ d7 n, a# Z: F/ p& X" b> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, 2 [" Q( c3 D; Q3 C1 j> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, 3 v' P" n* v8 T, l! ?5 e> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be 0 @0 }! T- @4 T! C6 c# V8 q2 r( C> > directed elsewhere.
