HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:6 I" q# W3 \. b. z# I+ m
> >                     Effective January 2007% a8 c2 V# l9 ?
> >
. g  X6 F( W. s% p> > Dress Code
3 w. I- {! _  x3 `- O- S! \8 Q> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed+ j# Y% Q9 m* J( U4 z+ Q  x6 m8 ~
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing- h4 O5 B' p0 D2 A4 W- M$ ~% R
> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume  H9 s  G6 v: r$ a& Q% K- W
> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not  e9 k( t) o$ c: w
> > need a pay raise.
6 ~0 Q: B2 }0 i> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage6 ]5 {$ e4 l: {; _
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
3 ~" ^3 j6 e$ ?3 N  h> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
( `; Q& J/ }9 U/ u> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you- h$ c) @1 j! F* T/ i! |
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay
3 F1 l4 a0 {3 Y. W# y2 J  t, b> > raise.! I- z- X, x/ w4 y8 d
> >2 E. ?3 k7 k; P) k  D
> > Sick Days
8 R( G0 Y. x% M% s& I/ |2 }. A> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as9 K% }! _6 h/ q2 d* t1 x* h" ~
> > proof of sickness.
7 L: G  f9 G* l2 r  t" z# t0 E> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
. m+ N- D9 b6 q) Y> > to come to work.
1 r' S/ g6 l4 g& I> >
2 u; g2 l0 B; X! c> > Holiday Days
2 B, Z/ ^- U& m  Q5 a' M2 W> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a  O) t- H' b' v% U( V4 u
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.3 ?+ ]9 V% j# Q! [
> >
# e; C7 w' z) u; h# A> > Compassionate Leave& V4 e1 l1 V; U% S
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
7 d, J! o. ?$ E! N2 X( Q> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
9 ]9 {2 O# k& q" ^. N6 V> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-& }0 d. b& Z. }! }' E
> > employees attend to the arrangements.& Z' v: s  a0 u$ V0 X5 p  E4 x* |
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) U# i; l8 A1 a6 K5 T
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the- Q: d- F" U, H, H$ H
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work" c/ D, F& H, h7 F
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
- L, r* J8 h, Z" U% O8 ^0 I* u> > hour early.0 M( i% k' E; H+ ^7 j1 P; D5 p
> >
3 C! c' T; a' e1 X4 A* q* D> > Toilet Use
; p* b1 S; {; Q( O* X$ `2 Z' A$ K2 O> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the( c" K3 x+ _9 P0 h
> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit8 }, b2 y' R; m, X+ M/ D( T9 h2 s! M
> > in the cubicles.
/ T  f1 Z8 S; C8 a, U9 u. F> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will! M4 [, f0 r0 n
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
+ d0 M, A9 S! ~0 P# b6 S> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.
: D6 }$ E7 A$ p2 s* w5 G> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be0 X- g3 b& x  Q& H$ o' Y
> > posted on the company notice board under the
" O! {- t; K* ]1 f6 q) M> > "Chronic Offenders" category.1 ^5 {0 [0 i8 K  P( @9 ?9 ^9 |& \4 `
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be2 O9 _/ f+ z# ~# M! Q
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
/ E. f' m- F3 c  l/ G- k( @> > policy.5 m/ E0 o- ^" _- Y1 q4 l" V7 F
> >- [* E) i. t/ f  {8 C
> > Lunch Break" X8 g* S( D2 s# v
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they3 V8 y! n5 A8 C
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
6 J: H5 T6 |  H7 l% q; @> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to# \2 A" T# T  v" a
> > maintain their average figure.5 E, c8 x5 b! W0 q- Q
> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
5 S" c5 E) ~4 ^4 P, J, _" R> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
& ~3 `0 l. G' e9 b& e7 ^3 s> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are3 l5 a' Z/ _9 L
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive
* F3 i2 H* \5 J5 l. S# @> > employment experience.4 j4 o' e# _3 r7 W  M
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
1 \+ J" |' p8 H$ g' y8 P- J> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
3 D) n7 O# T3 @0 ^> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
8 Y. N! s$ r  @$ C/ Z3 W  Z2 C> > directed elsewhere.