HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:+ M& L4 ~+ F6 v' @5 @. B9 p
> >                     Effective January 2007
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> > Dress Code! x" |# e% E& K& L4 q
> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed% |& F; m; X- m: b0 X
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
( \4 R( Z5 S  K* _6 {, M> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
- h+ s+ h+ A! V4 D) t3 X4 G2 d> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not2 \1 M; w$ T: S2 U" V+ C
> > need a pay raise.; J' z& F2 A) c
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage
  d' [, J" B/ w> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer
/ J5 F! D) N  Y" X5 e: L> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
2 j7 M5 j5 w; j  t7 Q' L> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you0 x3 E. x8 O! ?' L0 V) {7 t1 }
> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay4 j: r- M& w' f
> > raise.9 i. _$ _1 T5 O6 s$ t9 R% f
> >
% ~5 r; |- v, T> > Sick Days
6 q$ k9 U/ W' H4 g% {0 m- i> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as2 W& ~( m( O1 C: h6 m2 N3 F/ A
> > proof of sickness.
( R9 o; I( c+ b; j6 K  X1 P) Z7 u) B> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
3 O0 d0 C  A/ g( [0 b# T> > to come to work.
" ~1 f- f6 m# b/ j( q( w- r# p> >
6 L* R+ U* i) o8 J6 q> > Holiday Days
8 A  Q) k$ H8 D6 H' y2 r> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a9 L2 x7 t  U+ n- j) l  o
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave7 E3 U9 T5 v+ Q
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing4 Q* o5 d" D  G7 `
> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-
' `  l3 u) w! {5 J- X9 v3 }> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
8 d/ e  F/ U; ]7 O> > employees attend to the arrangements.6 @2 ]4 }& L8 [7 K
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is) @7 g3 k2 U1 Q" C: W2 {. N
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the
) G& V; N7 T; s0 s) X2 O/ q& X> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
0 |5 |7 V% R' c! r  g) J0 U7 k> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one& g0 m6 Z6 V* f3 Z1 T) C
> > hour early.- Z4 R# G1 `5 @5 ^! I& A0 [: ~
> >
4 x4 U* m8 @- J' b% u4 O. J> > Toilet Use) P# `* R/ a! b, Z* H3 h
> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
; U4 [' f* }' U> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit
) a" E2 A' u# d4 f7 ]4 K> > in the cubicles.
' w$ [+ @% C* D: w> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will0 W) ?9 B7 k9 s! O7 J* ]$ u
> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle$ l9 I! r* y$ x( K1 X: w
> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.% s( g8 i9 t; q8 G" s
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be( U: k. Z% w- G5 W+ X
> > posted on the company notice board under the  ]5 h( C- J1 }6 j5 I9 C
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.
" A+ S6 r  G; A/ C" H2 t> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be" ?" D8 f  ]6 }
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health: j7 a+ n& v/ y. D& Q
> > policy.: t# V6 S; X2 G% Q1 g1 |
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> > Lunch Break7 ^! m3 k3 X1 K4 G( T! ~5 t9 `+ s0 p
> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they
& t8 L8 O) H# D> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
( D9 n! @6 v- I' _0 r+ q> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to% p: n! B% v# u8 u6 {* Q, M
> > maintain their average figure.
% P7 }3 k/ U0 O7 V; ^! Q: F> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
6 x, C2 D1 W3 ]( W) [: c3 d> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.+ C% v0 G0 x& c8 R' ?: V
> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are; v" {; Q0 X1 B3 e( n1 G
> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive. h: P0 ]9 N, I4 v( j
> > employment experience.
& ]7 C4 ^# g9 T* B. `> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
8 p, P8 z5 A, I/ n& K> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,1 x, d* h% c( t. V& d
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be, {" A4 C" d1 ?/ \) Q- S
> > directed elsewhere.