HR MEMO

tonylo

To all Employees:% b3 f# a1 F# \5 _
> >                     Effective January 2007+ z1 ?0 F& B- z
> >9 r3 ?2 w: t2 P! Q% L" ~
> > Dress Code
( g2 D* Y+ [8 P3 s> > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed2 l1 y4 [5 F' j
> > according to your salary. If we see you wearing
' p8 t$ C- T6 d( i7 Z4 `5 N4 B* c> > Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
# n' [/ n3 [% _9 g# [' s; s; s; W8 D> > you are doing well financially and therefore do not9 l" d. `% F# f, A' d* }* F, t+ u! j
> > need a pay raise.. K, l3 a$ z0 G6 A4 [( \. L
> > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage) v. I% I8 `! G
> > your money better, so that you may buy nicer3 k" k2 V' Q7 E2 {) s# N% r1 I; ?
> > clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.5 ~4 Y3 q2 F) d# F6 E
> > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you
8 M2 s( e9 u+ E, L4 m" Z- Z> > need to be and therefore you do not need a pay6 Q% e: |; d7 q
> > raise.0 P1 f( m2 A1 {/ s
> >% O' t, \  t, v9 o" [
> > Sick Days+ `  Y: ]0 B" T: e
> > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as6 K" G4 p' R' x  I
> > proof of sickness.
5 c- p( k$ C; Y5 q( C> > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
- K, B  w6 I2 w  y  C: I+ y, W8 i> > to come to work.0 {$ A0 R' @# @9 w
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> > Holiday Days: h/ t6 H, u: z8 l: \6 B
> > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a4 p% z" ^: R3 Q+ H; k  Z* e% |
> > year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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> > Compassionate Leave2 q. C: p2 a8 D0 Q! u
> > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
) e) I6 b4 Q, ?2 J. d> > you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-. ^0 r: U. S; z
> > workers. Every effort should be made to have non-
; U" {6 f5 T; I1 @8 O! }8 b> > employees attend to the arrangements.+ v8 a$ k. i8 s
> > In rare cases where employee involvement is$ b( R* Q2 \, k% H  l, [2 q
> > necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the; S: K' i3 g  H% X
> > late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work, e. r1 L+ y; O. n
> > through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one6 x- Q" Y5 @7 Z0 Q
> > hour early.
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> > Toilet Use
. E7 ~5 [7 I7 l9 F% w# N( i> > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the
0 ~/ I& l  K4 t& x> > toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit9 L0 Y3 z9 Y' M
> > in the cubicles.6 i5 `1 a  q/ u
> > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
. p; O1 i+ H, c> > sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle
8 J& C7 D, N  @0 p" F' K7 D( L6 ^1 R/ ]8 E> > door will open, and your picture will be taken.2 R. ^2 Q. p, I9 g( _, h
> > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be
- _. ?9 I+ B' `) S$ o5 F> > posted on the company notice board under the0 I2 u0 R& a# g& ~, P( ]- M
> > "Chronic Offenders" category.. g5 W1 _- M7 F  V& p1 R$ ]+ Q
> > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be5 q# q. w1 n+ N3 {
> > sanctioned under the company's mental health
. z  j* R& {$ c+ a7 X( T  e9 D> > policy.
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> > Lunch Break
6 s6 o& S7 L0 [# G# j. u> > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they" H+ a5 W: J  I3 w! K4 p
> > need to eat more so that they can look healthy.- d7 p( p; Q$ l
> > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
% L% S4 E: d& k! X- a> > maintain their average figure.
2 t; Y7 b/ B( n* }4 y/ J, s; _> > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time7 c" ?/ Y0 }- o6 K, p+ _; U
> > needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
; q# c/ z  ^. f' g> > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
; f: b9 m. v& r0 w& U6 Z> > an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive9 O+ r* L, L" f. g
> > employment experience.% r; J4 h- ?+ n' @# j0 v7 t) ]0 b% o
> > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
5 M3 k7 N+ H( y0 u: ?: V* u4 ]5 W( T> > frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,& G" }/ w0 v! v$ `
> > accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
- z5 V6 U+ J2 f) N5 ^> > directed elsewhere.